This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites, all of you!
Would you like to sit and stare at the fake fire?
We could do whatever we want.
It's the same thing your whole life: "Clean up your room. Stand up straight. Pick up your feet. Take it like a man. Be nice to your sister. Don't mix beer and wine, ever." Oh yeah: "Don't drive on the railroad track."
I'm not going to live by their rules anymore.
I think people place too much emphasis on their careers. I wish we could all live in the mountains at high altitude. That's where I see myself in five years. How about you?
I haven't done this since I was a kid.
He's having the day of his life... over and over again.
You wanna throw up here, or you wanna throw up in the car?
You want a prediction about the weather? You're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: it's gonna be cold, it's gonna be gray, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.
That's not bad for a quadruped. You gotta check your mirror. Just, side of your eye, side of your eye.
If you gotta shoot, aim high. I don't wanna hit the groundhog.
Special today is blueberry waffles.
You like boats but not the ocean.
Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on his smiling face a dream of spring.
What if there were no tomorrow?
That about sums it up for me.
Did he actually call himself \"the talent\"?
Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about the satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you have some kind of a line that you keep open for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both. I'm a celebrity in an emergency.
Now don't you tell me you don't remember me 'cause I sure as heck-fire remember you.
Watch out for that first step, it's a doozy.
It was horrible. A giant leech got me.
You like your guys with frowned upper teeth?
Can I have one more of these with some booze in it, please?
Some guys would look at this glass and they would say: you know, that glass is half empty. Other guys would say: that glass is half full. I bet you was a glass is half empty kinda guy. Am I right?
Yo, momma! Isn't there any hot water?
Don't mess with me, pork chop? What day is this?
Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.
Morons, your bus is leaving.
Most of my work is with couples, families. I have an alcoholic now.
I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank piņa coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters.
He's the fastest jack in Jefferson County!