This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites, all of you!
I'm not going to live by their rules anymore.
I think people place too much emphasis on their careers. I wish we could all live in the mountains at high altitude. That's where I see myself in five years. How about you?
I haven't done this since I was a kid.
It's the same thing your whole life: "Clean up your room. Stand up straight. Pick up your feet. Take it like a man. Be nice to your sister. Don't mix beer and wine, ever." Oh yeah: "Don't drive on the railroad track."
What if there were no tomorrow?
We could do whatever we want.
Would you like to sit and stare at the fake fire?
You wanna throw up here, or you wanna throw up in the car?
You like boats but not the ocean.
Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on his smiling face a dream of spring.
Special today is blueberry waffles.
If you gotta shoot, aim high. I don't wanna hit the groundhog.
You want a prediction about the weather? You're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: it's gonna be cold, it's gonna be gray, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.
That's not bad for a quadruped. You gotta check your mirror. Just, side of your eye, side of your eye.
He's the fastest jack in Jefferson County!
That about sums it up for me.
You like your guys with frowned upper teeth?
It was horrible. A giant leech got me.
Watch out for that first step, it's a doozy.
Did he actually call himself \"the talent\"?
Now don't you tell me you don't remember me 'cause I sure as heck-fire remember you.
Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about the satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you have some kind of a line that you keep open for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both. I'm a celebrity in an emergency.
Can I have one more of these with some booze in it, please?
Most of my work is with couples, families. I have an alcoholic now.
I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank piņa coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters.
Some guys would look at this glass and they would say: you know, that glass is half empty. Other guys would say: that glass is half full. I bet you was a glass is half empty kinda guy. Am I right?
Morons, your bus is leaving.
Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.
Yo, momma! Isn't there any hot water?
Don't mess with me, pork chop? What day is this?
He's having the day of his life... over and over again.