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Home Alone
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
I've a friend who got nailed because there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas.
Dear Santa Claus, I got a little sister last year. This year I'd rather have some clay dough.
This is Christmas. The season of perpetual hope. And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike. If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.
I think we're getting scammed by a kindergartner.
He's home alone.
Yeah. Kids are scared of the dark.
Damn. How low can you get giving Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?
No offense, but aren't you a little old to be afraid?
A family comedy without the family.
I'm a criminal.
This is it. Don't get scared now.
[ screaming ]
Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?
I'm up here, you morons! Come and get me!
You guys give up? Or you're thirsty for more?
He's a kid. Kids are stupid.
Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental Association?
Mom, uncle Frank won't let me watch the movie but the big kids can. Why can't I?
Do these vans get good gas mileage?
Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no then it must be really bad.
You're what the French call les incompetents.
When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone.
Is it true that French babes don't shave their pits?
Kevin, you're such a disease.
I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck!
I wish they would all just disappear.
Five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.
I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including in between my toes and in my belly button which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape.
I made my family disappear.
Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish. You better come out and stop me.
Horrible. Horrible.
Crowbars up.
[ hiding under the bed ]
This is ridiculous. Only a wimp would be hiding under a bed. And I can't be a wimp. I'm the man of the house.
Somebody pick up. Pick up!
You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I'll snap off your cojones and boil'em in motor oil.
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